Today I woke up immediately feeling a little down, off, not myself, etc. I think it comes from the fact that I have to go back to work in less than a week. I know I’m physically reacting to going back to work because for the past two nights, I’ve had very detailed dreams. These aren’t your average crazy dreams. These are consistent dreams where I am a student in school. You know, like the kind you used to get before the first day of school as a kid? The kind where you are rushing to not miss a test, or you are wearing pajamas to school. I don’t know if I’m having these dreams because I work in a school, but I really, REALLY, don’t like them.
Now as far as my job, I always question if I’m really being fulfilled and working to my potential. For the past 6 years, my previous boss had an entirely different vision as to what my role is at the school. It was vision that directly conflicted with mine. As a result, I’ve lost a significant amount of my skill set. I’ve lost a drive to make change. However, I will be meeting my new boss next week and I’m very curious what the future has in store for me. All I know, is that there are significant responsibilities of my job that I honestly can do without. Because I still have those responsibilities and I can’t avoid them, it makes me dislike a significant portion of my workday.
Which makes me wonder…does anyone really LOVE what they are doing? I feel like this is the big reveal in life. You work so hard to get to a certain point, only to realize that it isn’t entirely what you were expecting. I ask myself, is this it? Are you supposed to accept less than what you want?
So how do you get the motivation to make a change, or rather, how do you get the COURAGE to make change?
With supporting my husband’s career, my kids’ aspirations, and daily responsibilities, it is hard to fit in my own aspirations. It’s easy to stop dreaming. That sounds depressing, but as moms, I feel we end up forgetting how to dream.
So I end my day trying to evaluate this. Wrestling with how I can get more purpose in what I’m doing. Time to brainstorm.
Lesson Learned: We need to support each other to keep dreaming and keep working towards fulfillment. If you don’t pay attention, so much time can slip by and you’ll wish you had done someting different with it.